How the worst year of my life turned into discovering a way to never have complaints again. Yeah!

Hello sweet fellow humans!

I am writing this article on the one year anniversary of the beginning of the hardest year of my life. One year ago today, I chose to finally take full responsibility for my suffering. I moved out of my home that I built with my partner to give us space to think. I moved away from my company that I built and my work that I love to see what parts I wanted to keep or give up. I moved away from my beloved cycling team and friends and family to see what was truly there. I decided to embark on a quest to figure out what I could accept and what I could change. I was tired, overwhelmed and unsettled. Once and for all I decided to sort it all out.

Now I have to be honest with you here, this year has pretty much sucked ass and I am not completely out of the woods yet. I have been more scared and more exposed than ever before during this year. I am also pretty sure that I have cried more in this one year than all of my years combined. In the realization of what I was doing or not doing, I have felt immense panic and fear but... I am also here to tell you that I can now share what I did and how I finally found ease and relief! Aren’t you excited to hear about how you too can cry and be uncomfortable and work out all of the shit that you have been carrying around for so long! Doesn’t this sound fun?!! (She said in a sarcastic voice)

Jokes aside, I am here to tell you can wake up tomorrow with a lighter load of problems. You can also wake up tomorrow with NO COMPLAINTS! Are you giving me the skeptical side eye as you read this? Hang in there. I promise it is true!

At this point I must inform you of the ever important “disclaimers” about the process that I am going to share with you today. This is no small task that you may decide to take on after reading this article. What I am about to tell you will result in great discomfort but also beautiful relief. There are strict rules to follow and no place to hide. When I offer this to my MAS Life Coaching clients, friends and even myself, it is almost always initially met with “yes! let’s do it” and then…”Oh shit, this is the real deal. I have nowhere to run! No one to blame! Fuck!”

So here we go. Read on only if you are feeling brave. You are about to enter the land of “no excuses” and that is a very real and very scary place.

To begin, you need to acknowledge that you have chosen to carry around a big sack of things that you want to change but never quite really get to resolving. The things that are bothering you in your life today were chosen by you and carried around by you. For example, have you been complaining about not losing weight or your partner for a while now? Blah blah blah….I don’t like this or I want to change that! Sound familiar? Well look behind yourself Darling, you have a bag of shit on your back! You have chosen to carry that stuff around and you have not done the work to resolve these things once and for all. The sack is heavy and it weighs you down every single day. And again, the worst part is that YOU put the stuff in there and you pick that sack back up every dang day! Yikes that is exhausting! Are you starting to feel some resistance or discomfort? Good. You are moving in the right direction. Stay with me.

Next, you need to put the sack down and open it up. Imagine a sack that you can just open up on the floor exposing everything that you have been carrying around. Fuck that is a lot of stuff! It is OK to smile with relief upon seeing everything that you have put in there over the years. No wonder you are so tired!

And now, you are ready for the most important step. You must commit to separating your stuff into just TWO PILES. Just like when you go through your closet and separate things into your “keep or donate” piles, you now have piles for your problems and things that you find yourself complaining about.

Your two piles are: ACCEPT & LOVE AS IS and TAKE ON TO FIX. There is no “throw away and don’t think about again pile, just these two piles. There is no "I'll get to it someday" pile. Every single thing that was in the bag must be separated into one of these two piles.

If you place something on the ACCEPT & LOVE AS IS pile, that thing or person is no longer a source of angst. You accept it/them AS IS. There is peace in your heart and quiet in your mind now when you look at this thing that you have decided to accept. I highly recommend putting yourself and your people on this pile. Just love them as is. What a sweet space to regard someone in. What a sweet place to regard yourself in too. We are talking NAMASTE (I see you and you see me) for everyone bitches! LOL.

What is most important is that in your act of choosing to accept, you are no longer suffering in wanting things to be different. You may not like every bit of every person in your life but you love them and accept them as is. You are still allowed to want to shift or move aspects of the thing but there is no suffering in it. You can even choose to put something on this pile and just leave it there and no longer interact with it. What is important is that when you put something on this pile your angst and desire to fundamentally change it are let go. You choose it and love it now as is and if nothing ultimately changes with this person or thing, you are happy and OK. (It is important to mention that I am not suggesting that you be OK with any type of mistreatment or abuse. Please do not use this process as a way to excuse egregious or dangerous behaviors.)

If you put something on this first pile and find yourself still being bothered about it, then pick it back up and look at it again. Can it go on the other pile? If not, then “ACCEPT AS IS” is clearly your only choice for it! Accept that mother fucker! It is what it is. Understand it! Appreciate it! Accept it!

Now moving on to the other pile in front of you. This is the “TAKE ON TO FIX IT pile”. If you choose to place something on the pile where you are not OK with it “as is” in this moment, then you need to understand that all of the work to change it is ON YOU. Yup, you want something to be different? What can YOU do to help change it? This pile does not contain excuses or obstacles, it is a pile of stuff that you choose to change for the better with full awareness that you are the only one working on this stuff. There is no guarantee of how fast things on this pile can be fixed, but you put it there and you need to believe in your ability to take it on. You are acknowledging your innate strengths and abilities (no matter how scary it will be to do the work) when you put something on this pile.

And just when you may be thinking "Jeepers Coach MA! That seems simple to do" here is another important rule about this process. YOU CAN NOT PUT ANOTHER PERSON ON THIS FIX IT PILE. You can put how you relate to a person or your personal relationship goals but you cannot put a person here. You should not even be carrying around another person in your sack! You only should carry around yourself and what you can change on your own.

So now you have two piles of your stuff. One pile is full of things or people that you love and honor and appreciate AS IS and one is a pile of things that you now realize are in your control to mange and improve. Ta Da!!! No more heavy sack to carry around! No more things to complain about! Don't roll your eyes at me. You were the one who decided to read this far!

If you have unpacked your sack then welcome my darling fellow human to a clear and empowered state of being. Notice that I did not say an "easy state of being" there is work to be done here. But your sack is empty. You are light and free. You have found love and acceptance for certain things which brings you peace there or you have realized that you and only you have the ability to shift the things that you know can work on.

I know that this is a simple but not easy process. Remember my year that sucked ass? My sack is not completely unpacked and sorted yet but it will be. We all find things in the bottom of that sack that have been there for years. They are old and stinky and you will not want to pick them up and look at them. I get what I am suggesting that you do here. But what other choice do you have? Gather all of that shit back up and throw it over your back again? Now let's not be silly here people! While that option does exist for you, why on earth would you chose that again?

I am here for you if you decide that it is once and for all time to lighten your load. I will stand by you as you unpack your sack and I will support you when you find those stinky things that you have been carrying around for so long. I will also remind you again and again if you are tempted to just pack everything back up and carry it around again that your sack will just keep getting bigger and heavier with every passing day.

May you be brave enough to look at what you have been carrying around. May you gently place yourself on the pile of things that you love dearly "as is" and may you find yourself empowered by knowing that you have the strength and ability to take on what you choose to fix. You've got this sweet fellow human, you have totally got this.

With great love,

Coach MA